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Archive for January, 2016

Still Sick

January 18th, 2016 at 05:51 pm

Well after 6 days in the hospital they finally let me go home. But only because my mother is the nursing supervisor and she has been taking care of me.

I'm still in a lot of pain, having trouble keeping food down, trouble breathing, and just generally weak and sick. I don't know if I've ever felt so bad, even after heart surgery.

My husband has been so good to me and is waiting on me hand and foot. My mom stays here during the day while he is working. I really just want to start feeling better. I'm so bored, and stiff from laying around. Sleeping and eating is a huge problem.

Keep me in your thoughts. I just want to feel better.

Bad Days

January 14th, 2016 at 04:09 pm

Well in a bad turn of events I had to go to the ER on Sunday night after battling with severe chest pain for several days, and fighting with my lung disease for the past couple months. The night before we had to leave husband's work party early which I had looked forward to all year.

I was in so much pain I thought I collapsed my lung (I've done it a couple times before) but was surprised to find that I was very very sick with pneumonia, caused by my lung disease. They couldn't believe I was up walking, going shopping, and pretty functional.

I thought I had coughed out my lung disease last week, but apparently that was just a small part of it and I had been building up a large infection for who knows how long, which is probably why I've been feeling so poorly for a while now.

My white blood count was over 30,000. And 4 days later, I'm still here and really no progress. Frown I have a huge phobia of needles and hospitals, and I am still in a lot of pain. I get lab work everyday, and my mother has been coming to hold my hand at 4:30am every morning while they do it. I have terrible veins besides that and they are running out of places to stick. Husband has been sleeping in a chair next to me, and then leaving for work daily and I am extremely bored and lonely.

It stinks because my lung disease is basically a plug which I can't cough up, and it's trapped the infection down below it. So I'm not going to get better until I cough it up, which can take me weeks or months to do. So right now it's a waiting game. I'm getting around the clock breathing treatments which aren't working, and there really isn't much they can do at this time besides hope by some miracle I can dislodge it. Of course my lungs are already so sore and tired. Feeling very discouraged. Even if I do cough it up it will just come back in a couple weeks. I'm just tired of dealing with the constant pain, breathing problems, and coughing.

They are now mentioning removing part of my lung, to possibly keep it from coming back. But not enough cases on it to know if it would even work or just make it worse.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I'm not sure how money is going to go, since I'm not really able to work at this time. Just trying to make it through each day.

Update on Job Situation

January 8th, 2016 at 02:44 pm

I posted this in the comments, but I figured I should just start a new post.

Thanks for all the feedback guys.

I do live in a rural community, and job choices are limited to fast food, retail, or full-time. Or I can drive an hour plus away to a bigger city, which is not worth it at this point. Especially with snow coming soon. I guess I'm looking at the old job because it's easy. I don't have to relearn anything. I'm good at it, and I know what to expect. Also, I can quit the vet job ASAP and not have to wait until I can find something else.

I did approach my previous boss and said I might be interested. I laid down my demands, that I would only work 3 days a week instead of 5 or 6, and I wouldn't being doing split shifts anymore. I also said I wouldn't be staying over to finish things up due to missed deadlines by other people. Before that he actually offered that the person who is handling things now would be willing to pick up any work that I don't have time to finish.

He told me to think about it some more before I decided. I felt no pressure. He did tell me he has mellowed down some, which I do believe and have seen in the last year. It sounds like we have come to a good compromise, but I guess there is no way of telling if it would stick or not without giving it a try.

To be clear the old boss was never mean, or belittled me like the current boss. He would loose his temper, but he would always apologize.

He WAS very demanding, things had to be just so, lots of last minute changes, working weekends, staying late, etc.

It just wasn't cohesive to having a 2nd job. So when I had the opportunity to go full time in web design I jumped. Now business has slowed down to part time, and I NEED a 2nd job.

He loves me like a daughter. Heck I used to babysit his kids. (Now they are old enough to drive, scary) He respects me as a human. Unlike the new boss who thinks I'm good for nothing, and really couldn't care less about me. So there's that. His heart was good. He just asked for too much.

I am hoping going in with clear boundaries, that if things start to fall back how they were I can point out our agreement, or quit.

Both husband and my mother are encouraging me to go back. They agree I was happier there, even with the frustrations.

One thing that is a hold up is wage. I would get $1.75 instant raise to what I am getting now. But really I was hoping for more, and the boss isn't against it. The problem is that since it's a non-profit the budget is set before the beginning of the year, and to change it is a slow and painful process with committees and meetings. Blah.

Lots to think about.

Am I Crazy?

January 6th, 2016 at 05:29 pm

I am seriously considering going back to my old job and ditching the vet job. Am I crazy? I've only been working 11 weeks.

I felt stressed at my last job. But it pales in comparison to the new job. At the old job I had a lot of responsibilities, and they constantly stretched me thin. I felt overworked and undervalued, but they were nice to me and I had a lot of privileges.

The new job, the boss is literately crazy and down right mean. It's constant eggshells of worrying about making a mistake and getting fired. I like working with animals, but the coworkers on my shift are short with me, and don't like to chat or really have anything to do with me. I pretty much just try to stay out of the way, and keep my mouth shut. I am a super sensitive person, and do NOT take well to harsh criticism.

It's tough learning a new job, I know that sounds kind of petty but at the vet I am constantly scolded and made to feel like I am stupid. I am quite intelligent, and really I was VERY good at my last job. So it's a hard pill to swallow going from the top to the bottom.

Maybe I didn't have it as bad as I thought previously. I wonder if I would truly be happy anywhere, or if I'm always going to want something else. Maybe it's me who sabotages my work because I take things too personally, and because I try too hard to please everyone.

My current way of thinking is that it has been over a year now that I quit. They would happily take me back, and I feel like I've grown and matured enough that I could stand up for myself, and not let people take advantage of me anymore. I could pick how much I'm willing to work, and how many duties I would take on, and I believe they would agree to anything at this point. I think they have realized how valuable I was, now that they are over a barrel. I think I could handle the stress better, because now I can actually see that I was worth something, and I don't feel like I have to make everyone happy or owe them anything.

But I am worried I am looking at it with rose colored glasses, because it has been a while and I am forgetting the things that made me crazy.

At the old job, I was mostly frustrated and overworked. At the new job, I am treated like crap. If I can make it through a day without being yelled at, and feeling hurt and upset then it's a success. I wasn't excited to go to my old work (it was boring and tedious), but at least I didn't feel anxious about making mistakes. Frustrated is starting to sound better than upset. The vet owner has actually told me and the rest of the workers that she is our master and that we have to do anything she says because we are nothing. She took away our breaks, and then said we could have them back if we begged and groveled. I mean really, who says that?

The other issue is that my web design business just lost our biggest client. And I am beginning to worry about the future of the company. That combined with the fact that I could get fired at a moments notice at the vet it beginning to make me feel unstable. Especially since we couldn't live on husband's income alone, and we are wanting to take on more payments.

I am making minimum wage at the vet. They promised I would get a raise after my 90 days. But after seeing how stingy and self centered the owner is, I'm not counting on much. I'm starting to wonder if minimum wage is worth being constantly anxious and treated poorly.

On the other hand, if I stuck it out and learned more and got better maybe I would feel more relaxed and not make as many mistakes.

I'm just not sure anymore. For some reason I am feeling the pull back to my old job. Not because anyone is forcing me to. (They have stopped asking) But just looking at the pros and cons. I can take off whenever, come in late if I have an emergency, stay home if I'm sick, etc. As compared to being fired if I'm over 5 minutes later for any reason. (weather, flat tire, anything)

I would miss getting to talk to people, and I am learning a lot of animal stuff. But I've been super sick lately and I am wondering if it isn't stress related from the job.

Please, knock some sense into me.

Well Poop...

January 4th, 2016 at 09:11 pm

I mean that literately and figuratively.

When we purchased the house we were told we had a septic but didn't know where it was, or what shape it was in, or how old, etc.

We've been basically ignoring it since everything was in working order. Knowing that eventually it was going to give in. Well in the past week or two some raw sewage has begun to come out of what seems to be an overflow pipe. Ew. So father in law did some tracking and found the tank, and got it open. It's full all the way to the top, no surprise.

I've called around and it looks like we will be getting it pumped out for around $200. Which leads to our next problem.

The septic tank is very close to where we were going to put the addition this year, and it seems very small. No idea what shape it is in, so we are going to have it inspected when they pump it. But most likely we are going to have to have it replaced when we do the addition to support the new bathroom, and just because it's probably ancient.

We will know more after they come to look at it. Maybe it would be okay for a few more years, but it might just be easier to get it done while we already have the yard getting dug up. Unfortunately a new septic is in the $6k - $10k range, and will eat up a large amount of our budget.

Mortgage is down to $47,602.57. I paid some towards the computer, and husband's truck fund is at $920, which sadly did not meet our 2015 goal.

Also, I did some messing around with our taxes, and at this point it looks like we may owe or may only get a couple hundred back. Boo. We usually get $1,500 and put that towards our goals. So that's a downer, but not surprising since I have two new part time jobs. Won't know for sure until all our W2's come in, since I was just estimating with pay stubs.