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Friend is Stressing Me Out!

November 4th, 2014 at 09:56 am

Gah! I'm about to strangle my best friend.

She is getting married in less than 8 weeks. She is in another country right now, and can never make up her mind on anything and it is making me crazy. She hasn't gotten anything planned out yet!

She told me last Friday that she wanted me to make the invitations and send them out by the following Monday. She also finally picked the wedding colors, so I needed to go order my bridesmaid dress. Well I go to the store and there is only 1 dress that will come in, in time for the wedding. (They are suppose to be ordered at least 4 months in advance) So I had to get that one. It was $150. I purchase the invitations. Then the next day she says, never-mind I don't need you to make the invitations. Oh and by the way, we might end up getting married here instead, (other country) AKA you don't need your dress. Well they don't accept returns, so I thought I was out nearly $200 after the dress and invitations.

Well now she moved it back to the states. They had the date set for December 13th. Then last week they changed it to Jan 3rd, whatever that is fine. Well now she has changed it again to Dec. 20th. The ONE SATURDAY in the entire year that I told her I couldn't be there!

My family has had a vacation planned for that date for over a year now. The entire family is meeting together, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, for the first time in years. The week can't be changed. Flights are booked, etc.

So now basically I either have to skip her wedding, or cancel our vacation. My husband and my parents have really been looking forward to it. They are all mad at me, and want me to skip her wedding.

I tried to get them to go on vacation Tues - Fri instead of the originally planned Thus - Sun (Rest of the family will be there all week.) But then husband has to take off 2 additional days, which he doesn't have enough vacation time for, and that leaves him with no vacation hours until they roll over in July. Plus then I will have to take off more days.

Everyone is upset at ME, and I don't know what to do. I don't need this stress. I don't want to miss my best friend's wedding, but I also don't want to skip my family vacation, and also make my husband and parents miss out. Frown

Still trying to work out how to get our dates changed. But I'm not sure if it is going to happen. I may have to choose.

Advice?

17 Responses to “Friend is Stressing Me Out!”

  1. Jenn Says:

    Your friend is self-centered and abusing your relationship. Enjoy your planned vacation and move on.

  2. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    Oh, dear. Sure sounds like you shouldn't ask your family to make any changes at all. Your friend might change her plans again!

  3. Petunia 100 Says:

    You told her well in advance you could not make it that day. She doesn't seem to be keeping you in mind at all when she makes and changes her plans. Go on your family vacation. All of those family members have made plans, booked flights, and are looking forward to seeing you. Don't let them down. For all you know, your friend will change her plans several times yet.

  4. klarose Says:

    It was changed because the groom's sister couldn't come on the planned day. So I guess it came down to her or me. Frown Nice to know I'm loved.

    And I thought she might change her mind again, but apparently they have already booked flights, so it's settled.

    The only people who would have to rearranged schedules is my parents, and my husband and I if we go earlier in the week. The rest of the family will be there the entire time I think, so they don't care when we come. I think I will sit on it a week and make my decision. I was so looking forward to vacation, but I also was looking forward to her wedding. She was my Maid of Honor.

    She is very rude, and often changes our plans, cancels on me, borrows money and doesn't pay me back, etc. She treats me like a doormat, but her entire family is like that. She is still my best friend. Frown I kind of feel like not going, just to show her that there are consequences when she pulls this crap on me. But at the same time. Both of her and her fiance's families are feuding, and she is terribly upset, and everyone is mad at her. So I feel like I'm her only shoulder to lean on at the time. No one is supporting the international marriage, just because of the hate of different cultures.

  5. creditcardfree Says:

    You can still be her listening ear, but you had plans. The real problem is she didn't set the date long ago. Not planning does have consequences. I definitely would be picking the grooms sister over a friend...they are family, so I wouldn't be hurt there. It is just the result, again, of bad planning. Go on vacation, and get them a nice gift. Smile

  6. Petunia 100 Says:

    It is OK for you to set boundaries with her. For example, you can say "It's really unfair to me when you blow off our plans at the last minute. I'd really like for you to stop doing that to me." I understand her family may be that way, but she is an adult now. It is time for her to learn what is considered polite behavior and what is not.

    Will she live in her fiancÚ's country, or will he live here?

  7. snafu Says:

    As you have strived to be a friend your effort has not been acknowledged, respected or valued by that bridezilla who was once a best friend. Your words today and in past postings make it clear that your family loves and respect you and are doing their best to guide you toward your best interest. They will be there for you forever no matter future challenges.

    Sorry to be so blunt...Bridezilla's wedding will be what it is based on her own effort and the manipulation she is able to impose on others. I'd plead with the shop to take back the $ 150 dress as well as the vendor who sold you the invitation supplies. This gal could change date, colours, venue, country etc between today and December 20th. As an outsider, if you have e-mail or text or some type of tangible evidence that she instructed/requested you buy stuff for her wedding, you should be reimbursed for costs. This friendship is a one way relationship, you give and she receives...yes?

  8. klarose Says:

    Thanks for all the kind words guys.

    She will be living in a completely different country for a year, then moving back to groom's home country. (They are both world travelers, and fickle so who honestly knows where they will live.) Her mind changes more often than the wind, so I honestly doubt anything she says. Sad but true.

    And yes, it is a very one way relationship. Always has been.

  9. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    Family first. Don't do the wedding if it's during the time you have already booked for your family. She is no friend.

  10. Miz Pat Says:

    I'd tell her you can't come because of the previous engagement and that you already purchased the invitations and want your money back.

    I'm stressed now reading about your friend.

  11. LuckyRobin Says:

    Sounds to me like while she may be your best friend, you are not her best friend. Family should come first, especially with plans made a year in advance. She knew your plans. She didn't care. These are the consequences, that you can't be there.

  12. Looking Forward Says:

    I agree with everyone else.. Stick with your plans. It sounds like her wedding is more important to YOU than it is to HER. So, if she is disappointed she has no one to blame but herself.

  13. PNW Mom Says:

    I say go with your family. Sometimes people need to deal with the consequences of their actions. It also sounds like she is used to getting her way and having everyone catering to her whims and changing plans. She sounds very manipulative, and I agree with LuckyRobin, the person you described above is rude, treats you like a doormat, cancels on you all the time, borrows money and doesn't pay you back...No wonder her family is feuding, she sounds like a nightmare. I'm sorry you are stressed out though, and I hope it all works itself out.

  14. Miz Pat Says:

    Let us know what happens. My eyebrow has been twitching since you told us about her. She sounds like she is a toxic friend.

  15. rohan5060 Says:

    Well beware of such friends and keep your plan tight.

  16. butterscotch Says:

    If this is how she treats people I would tell her that you cant make it to the wedding, but you'll try to make it for the divorce.

  17. Homebody Says:

    One of my daughter's closest friends could not make her destination wedding because he had a new job. We all still love him. If she is a true friend she will understand.

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